The Week Of Asking NYC Tourist Traps: Letter to Top Of The Rock, a brief introduction to form letters

Up until now, I've spent very little time discussing form letters, mostly because anyone who was raised around things like words, sentences, companies, humans, etc., knows what a form letter is.

Usually, it goes something like this:

Dear Kristen,

Thanks so much for contacting us and taking the time to share your thoughts!

I sincerely appreciate your comments and hope you will continue to enjoy Starbucks coffee.

Sincerely,
Jessica F.
Customer Relations
Starbucks

Unfortunately, the form letter does not always match the request. In the case above, for example, I was telling Starbucks that my mom loved hanging out in their Edina, Minnesota store AND asking why they had such stupid size names (tall, short, etc.), AS WELL AS hinting at the fact that I wanted some discount coupons. But rather than acknowledge my overt question or shoot down my thinly veiled request, they (much like the pretty, but not so bright girls on America's Next Top Model who can't walk in heels to save their lives, but are exceptionally good at drinking heavily) simply said "Oh, gosh!! Thank you so much!! Liquids are the best!"

Once in a while, a form letter will have a personal sentence or two added on at the end to show how much they care. Northwest Airlines, for example, recently sent me an email saying, "We appreciate your candid feedback and we offer our congratulations to you as you celebrate your 33rd year in the United States." Again, no acknoledgement whatsoever of my request for free plane tickets, but at least they displayed some evidence of having ready my letter.

Then, there are those cases where the company does not send you a form letter, and you're kind of happy for that, but not too happy, because what they've sent instead is a short, sloppy, one sentence response that more or less says, "I can't believe you just asked me that." For example, the following letter from a dfinley@optonline.net doesn't give the full or even first name of who is writing, or name of the company they are writing from, or the period or semicolon that I believe belongs between the words "sorry" and "there."

I am sorry there are no free or discount coupons.

Fortunately, my original email letter to them was attached, so I could see that dfinley@optonline.net was actually someone associated with the Jekyll and Hyde haunted mansion restaurant.

Also, I am becoming accustomed to questionable punctuation from professional customer service letter writers.

Okay, enough about form letters. Now it's time to write to the nice folks over at Top of the Rock.